Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Long walks and random animal parts

  The title for this post is more of something that my dog would put in her "likes" column.  I'm not that weird!  I love my dog very much and I love taking her for walks at night when I get done work.  Just her and I in the peaceful quiet night.  The thing I am not liking, is her uncanny ability to find random parts of animals during our walks.    Keep in mind that I live in a small city, we have sidewalks and roads.  I'm not in the middle of the country where various animal parts would be more understandable.  Still gross, but understandable.
  Last year it was a wing.  Oh how she loved that wing, we'd walk by and she would stop and roll and roll on it no matter how much I tried to pull her away or how much I was gagging.  I have no idea what happened to the rest of the poor bird that left his wing on the sidewalk but I'm sure it wasn't pretty.  I like to pretend that he transformed into something awesome like a unicorn and had no use for stupid wings anymore.
  Last week my sweet sweet pup found a tail.  I think it was attached to a red squirrel at some point based on the size and color.  Again, I'm thinking unicorn transformation, but I can't be sure.  She was so enthralled with the tail.  She pawed at it, sniffed it and then tried to pick it up in her mouth.  This is when my super human strength kicked in and I was able to pull her away.  Ew no, no putting tails attached or unattached into her mouth. it is not happening on my watch.  She's an extremely strong dog and about 75 to 80 pounds so pulling her anywhere is no small feat.
  We made it home and I promptly forgot about it until a few hours later when I mentioned it to my husband.  His response: "You couldn't have told me about this BEFORE I let her lick my face".  Oops!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Fall in upstate NY

  It's taken me a few days to recover from that close win the Giants (football Giants not baseball Giants) had on Sunday.  I swear these close games will be the death of me! That RG3 is a beast!
  So Fall is in full swing for the next month or so then we plunge right into winter for the next 5 or so months.  It may seem as though I'm exaggerating, but I remember many a Halloween of trick or treating in a snow suit and many a soccer game being played after the field was shoveled off.  I also remember a few stray snowstorms in mid-April.  Winter comes hard in upstate New York, so I'll enjoy Fall while it's here. 
  There are two things about Fall that I am not a fan of.  The first is that my nose runs like it's off switch is broken.  I have a buttload (technical term) of allergies.  My allergist once joked about putting me in a bubble and I cried.  Not cool Dr. G, not cool.  Fall and Spring are the times when my allergies go into super mode and the sneezing, coughing and non-stop nose are a constant.  I feel bad for people that have to listen to my hacking and wheezing.  I'm used to it so I'm unfazed mostly except the nose part.  Fortunately Spring and Fall are also the shortest seasons here so I have that going for me. 
  The second thing about Fall, is that the deer are in rut.  Basically, there are a bunch of horny deer all running around like maniacs.  Anybody that knows me knows that this is a bad situation for me.  I've never hit a deer, unlike my friend J who hit two (two!) in a week, but the thought that I could takes my paranoid driving to a whole other level.  Yep, I'm that slow a-hole that will not go above the speed limit under the most perfect conditions but when you throw horny animals running around on roads into the mix, I'm practically Mr. Magoo or whoever drives really slow, I think he just drove badly because he was blind, but you get where I'm going with it.
  Fall, I love you with your pretty colors, cooler weather, apple cider, pies, cute pumpkins and Halloween stuff, but at this point I'm sorta looking forward to Winter.  Well, at least until that first foot of snow that I have to shovel out of!

*Programming note:
Yay!  I'm super excited that there is a new PLL (Pretty Little Liars) on tonight!  It already aired but I'm still at work, obviously being very productive so I have to wait until I get home to satisfy my teen murder mystery craving.  The husband already has it all ready for me, he's a closet fan of the show too!  Tonight shall be a great night!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Batman is not my friend

    I hate bats.  I hate them with a fiery passion reserved only for Roseanne Barr's voice and pilot light stoves.  I was reminded of how much I hate them tonight when I walked out of the building at work and around the corner and saw one flying around  all crazy and skittery.  My, what I'm now calling "Animal Tourette's" kicked in and I yelled "WOAH FUCKER" while probably looking like a certified crazy person backing away from what surely looked like nothing. 
    This isn't the first time I have freaked out because of the flying rats.  I once spotted a bat out of the corner of my eye while playing tennis and proceeded to freak out.  I threw my racket straight into the air while running to the car and locking myself in.  I would not come out until it was time to leave.  I also have taken off in a dead sprint while talking with my friends outside without a word to them about what was going on.  That freaked them out but surprisingly, they are still friends with me.  I can't control myself when I see a bat.  I lose all sense of rationality.  I suppose I should explain how my phobia began.
    It all started when I was sweet and innocent in the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of high school.  I had to have my jaw broken and wired shut for an agonizingly long (not for my family I'm sure) 8 and a half weeks.  I was at my grandma's house for family dinner and afterwards a bunch of my cousins and some aunts decided that we'd go for a walk around the village.  My grandma lived in a small village right on the lake where everyone knows everyone.  It's really a nice peaceful place, but on that night the peace was broken by my horrified, muffled screams.  See while we were all walking, enjoying the summer night and having a grand ole time, I ended up at the back of the pack.  I was probably distracted by something shiny as is wont to happen.  All of a sudden, out of the blue, something comes flying out of the night and directly onto my face.  Keep in mind, that my jaw was firmly wired shut and I was pretty much unable to make coherent sentences as it was.  I tried to swat it away which only angered the bat and it proceeded to get entangled in my hair.  Finally I got it dislodged and it flew away no worse for wear from the encounter.  I ran frantically to the group ahead screaming as best as I could without opening my mouth, tears were flowing down my cheeks and my family all stopped and tried to figure out what was wrong with me this time.  I have a history of weird accidents, remind me to tell the story of me running myself over with a 4 wheeler sometime.  When I was finally able to write down on my handy dandy little notepad that I carried for communication, what had happened, they all started laughing hysterically.  Thanks a lot fam!  Ever since that fateful day, I cannot even look at a bat on the TV without cringing and closing my eyes.  Just the though of the little flying petri dishes makes me shiver with disgust.  I learn as much as I can about them, (know your enemy!) and will gladly tell anyone who will listen about how horrible they are.  Bats have become my mortal enemy due to a warm summer night many years ago. 
  So no, Batman is not my friend.  Besides, I've always preferred Supergirl.  She's got a fantastic first name!